Facing up to the reality of Facebook (LIKE!)



I tried to stay off social media for a week; I lasted three days. In the end what tipped me over the edge was not boredom, FOMO or loneliness but sheer inconvenience – I needed to contact someone and found I had no means of contact without Facebook Messenger. Once I’d logged in to do that, the whole experiment seemed redundant.
If I wanted to demonise Facebook, I wouldn’t have to look far for fodder. It’s distracting! It makes you feel crap about yourself! It turns some people into narcissists! None of these things is untrue, of course, but there’s a common denominator… the internet, obviously, but more significantly – the user. 

That’s partly why I wanted to take a break from social media, which I figured would be a great tool for measuring my own dependency – something I’d become concerned about on a recent weekend away from reliable internet access, when I felt a mild form of social-media separation anxiety (more about that experience in this post).

But my feeling at the end of my abandoned experiment is not disappointment over some failing of willpower on my part but a peaceful acceptance of the fact that this insidious time-vampire is now so entrenched it’s simply not practical to be without it. I now know that I AM dependent on Facebook, but not in an unhealthy way. Facebook doesn’t make me feel unfit, lonely or inadequate, it allows me to feel more tuned into my relationships – a pretty essential part of the human experience. Facebook isn’t doing anything more than my mobile phone and email were doing for me 10 years ago (ie keeping me connected with those I care about). Yes, of course it would be better if I went to see those people face to face, but in so many instances, that just isn’t practical. For all the moments in between, we have Facebook.

I read a few medical journals (this is partly due to my job as a health writer, but also because I'm a geek) and it feels like there’s no shortage of science-based reports painting Facebook in a negative light. Like the University of Michigan research revealing this site can reduce users’ sense of wellbeing and life satisfaction. The Canadian study which concluded Facebook can increase feelings of jealousy within romantic relationships. Or the University of Missouri-Columbia study which found that people who use Facebook for “surveillance” are more prone to depression (they don’t call it Stalkbook for nothing!). 

But none of that matters to me. As long as I keep my Facebook use in check – no logging in when I’m bored (pick up a book!), no logging in when I’m having convos with real-life people, no logging in when I’m at work or completing another task – I feel like I’m doing it right.



NOTE: Yes I am aware of the irony of writing about Facebook on a post which I will go ahead and promote on my Facebook page. Thanks for pointing that out. I’m fine with it. 
Dubious Valentine's Day card.


Hello? Yes, I have a problem. Thank you, bye

I had to spend most of my weekend without internet or mobile access, and it was HORRIBLE. This is not the most significant event of my weekend – it was a beautiful getaway with friends to a country house about two hours north of Sydney, in the Hunter Valley wine region – but this struggle with switching off is what I want to talk about here.

Friends on phones, ignoring each other

At first I welcomed the opportunity to distance myself from the outside world and settle into the stillness. That lasted about half an hour. The only thing that settled was a feeling of restlessness into my bones. At the heart of it: fear of missing out (I think the kids call this FOMO), fear of boredom and fear of being alone with my thoughts, in case I would be confronted by something I didn’t want to deal with. I suspect this latter reason is at play in many modern-life distractions: everything from excessive food and alcohol intake to dead-end relationships.  

Luckily – or unluckily, depending on your perspective – someone mentioned they’d received a good signal in the driveway. Rejoice! From here I was able to check in on the blog, do my daily angel card posts (which appear on the home page, and on my Instagram @onegroundedangel). You can probably guess what happened. Once I had taken care of those tasks I found myself checking Facebook, Twitter, the weather, the cricket score (I don’t even like cricket!), the weather (yes, again), various news sites, my five email accounts… No longer was I relaxing, enjoying my friends’ company and breathing in the fresh country air, I was engaging with people and situations elsewhere. Not being present. Not being with my friends. Not being here, in this moment, the only moment that is real. What a waste.

By distancing myself from the group (no one else seemed to have a problem staying away from the internet) and standing very still (internet coverage was patchy) on a gravel driveway by myself, what I was essentially saying was that I care more about the lives of people in other cities, other countries – most of whom I don’t actually know – than I do about the people who had been sitting next to me, spending time with me in the here and now.  

Recently researchers at the University of Missouri in the US identified a trend called iPhone separation anxiety. Although not a clinically recognised disorder, this term does describe what appears to be a growing problem – our inability, or reluctance, to switch off. You see it in restaurants when couples don’t even talk to each other  they’re too busy on their phones. In this study, participants reported anxiety and poor cognitive functioning when separated from their iPhones.

This, coupled with the events of the weekend, have spurred me to do a study of my own. Starting from tonight, I’m switching off all social media for a week. I’ve done this before, and really felt the benefits, so I’m confident I can follow through. I’ll still log in to do my daily angel card reading and will update the blog, but that’s it. It’s time to remind myself that my life exists in the here and now, and not on a tiny screen.


God help me. 
The beautiful spot where I spent my weekend.

A big year

2015How are you going with those New Year Resolutions? Oh. Yeah, those.

If you're feeling like 2015 is racing away from you already, now could be a good time to revisit your goals for the year and get them back on track. It's going to be a powerful year, so it's important to focus on exactly what you want.

Regression therapy specialist and numerology guru Toni Ashton has kindly given me permission to reproduce part of a piece she wrote explaining why 2015 is such an important year.


If you'd like to read the rest of the story - and I'd highly recommend you do - click on the link at the bottom.

2015 is well and truly here and what a fast paced, action filled year we are in for. 

2015 is a Universal Year 8 globally (2+0+1+5=8) The energy of the number 8 relates to abundance, balance, empowerment, ethics, responsibility, values, power, drive, ambition, determination and father energy.
2014 saw many people delve into who they truly are at their core, to free themselves of limiting beliefs and be true to themselves and 2015 will continue with this theme on a larger scale.
More and more people will have light bulb moments, encounters or challenges come in to help awaken them to their true potential and search for answers within themselves for personal growth, balance, development and empowerment.  The number 8 demands balance and with the polarities many people live with, this energy will give people the opportunity to create balance and order in your life where there is imbalance.  This could relate to any number of things such as too much thinking vs not enough feeling, anxiety vs trust, too much work vs not enough play, too much focus on material wealth, status and gain as opposed to compassion and humanity, too much giving vs not enough receiving, being rigid vs being flexible, disempowering vs empowering, authoritarian vs equal etc.  The more we resist the changes and continue with the imbalance, the harder our challenges and life will become.  
This is a time to overcome pain, shame, defeat, struggles and obstacles. It’s a time to open up, dismantle the armour, let go of the old, bring in the new, have confidence to go with the flow and embrace the changes to bring order and balance back into our lives. Love and happiness are two simple things yet so hard for many to achieve. We can’t find this in anyone else.  We have to find it within ourselves first and everything then falls into place. This year will see people finding this within themselves and creating life changing shifts and outcomes. 
To read the rest of the article, click here.

Mind and matter - how meditation has changed my world

As I write this, I’m sitting in the park on my lunch break, watching a guy meditate. Wait, that sounds creepy. I’m not *watching* him, he just happens to be in my line of vision. He’s sitting in lotus position, with his hands in mudra, completely consumed in stillness while the world continues to beat its crazy tune around him. My attention keeps coming back to him – in a non-creepy way, just want to make that clear – because he is meditating. In public. And no-one is looking.
Woman on beach meditating


This is a wonderful thing, because it shows how far our consciousness has evolved. It’s now acceptable for someone to meditate in public and not attract attention from anyone. (Except me, obvs, BUT I’M NOT A CREEPER, OK?!)

Meditation used to be regarded as the domain of lentil-loving hippies and daydreaming types. No longer. Celebrities such as Russell Brand, Miranda Kerr, Hugh Jackman and Lena Dunham are all devotees, and from the meditation workshops I’ve attended over the years it’s clear a wide spectrum of people are on board with this life-affirming practice. And given the immense benefits from meditation – it slows your heart rate (as I found out in dramatic fashion), calms your central nervous system and improves just about every function of your body – I’d wager this is not a passing trend. Simply by meditating regularly, people are becoming calmer, more emotionally resilient, less stressed, more centred, more loving and more present. That’s some serious power right there.

Last month I went along to a screening of The Connection, a brilliant documentary by Sydney journalist Shannon Harvey which explored the relationship between spiritual health and physical health. (Shoutout to the awesome team at Films for Change for bringing us these stirring cinematic experiences.) The most startling revelation for me was a medical researcher’s statement that our genes are not fixed – meditation can flip the switch on genes that cause disease. This means that through the simple regular practice of meditation we can actually alter our bodies at a cellular level. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how remarkable this is.
Man in park meditating

If you’ve dabbled in meditation but abandoned it because you were short of time (top tip: no one ‘finds’ time, they ‘make’ time) or thought you sucked at it (another tip: you don’t), I urge you to give it another crack. And then to keep going.

Here are some great places to go for meditation instruction and inspiration:
·         Google your local Buddhist centre, which is bound to be running workshops and sessions teaching meditation.
·        Headspace (www.headspace.com) – described as a gym for your mind, this app is a wonderful resource for rookies. It offers 10 free meditations and a more in-depth series to subscribers.
·        Omvana (www.omvana.com) – a constantly updated app placing a wide range of meditations at your disposal.
·        Belinda Davison (http://belindadavidson.com/free-resources) – she calls herself a psychic without a woo-woo bone in her body, and provides a series of free meditations focused on chakra clearing.
·        Tom Cronin (www.tomcronin.com) – a meditation teacher who offers online courses as well as workshops in Sydney. He also runs a fantastic free group meditation called the Stillness Project in the CBD on Monday nights, which I highly recommend.



On destiny and control

We always end up where we’re supposed to be.

This was a comment made at a reiki workshop I attended yesterday (brief sidebar: I’m on my way to reiki certification – woo!) that really got me thinking. Well, I’m a Scorpio, that’s what we do. Overanalyse, then overanalyse some more. It’s a lifestyle. Anyway, the woman who initially made this comment was sharing the story of what led her to train in reiki. It involved a long health battle for which western medicine was unable to provide solutions, prompting her to investigate alternative avenues. The physical relief she experienced, coupled with a dawning realisation that natural health was a natural fit for her, led her to ditch her career and train in the healing field. She feels that she has ended up exactly where she’s supposed to be.
Person carrying box of work possessions


I can relate. Seven years ago I was struggling in a high-pressure job on a weekly magazine with an erratic, borderline-personality-disordered boss. I prayed for help to manage my workload better; two weeks later I was made redundant. Not the solution I had in mind – bloody terrifying, actually – but it was, as it turns out, the right one. 


I knew this was the universe pushing me into freelance employment, but I let Fear take over and convince me I was too inexperienced/useless/inadequate to make it on my own. I took on a part-time job but instead of seeking out freelance work on the remaining work days I spent most of that time at home watching TV talk shows. I’m sure you can guess what happened 10 months later… I was made redundant from my part-time job. This time I knew I had to get my shit together and change tack. I could practically feel the universe’s boot print on my ass. That was seven years ago and I’ve been wholly self-employed ever since, and I can say categorically that this was absolutely the right thing for me both professionally and personally. It forced me to back myself and pursue income opportunities off my own bat, and as a by-product I’ve developed greater confidence. I’ve also had to work hard to sharpen the quality of everything I put my name on – because I have neither mentors to lean on nor mood-vampire colleagues/lazy bosses/corporate tedium to blame when my output is poor. I am solely accountable for every word I write and every hour I invoice for.

The point of that analogy is not to show what a slow learner I am (which is 100 per cent true) but to illustrate that sometimes you do, in fact, end up where you’re supposed to be – and the universe will not hesitate to give you a mighty great kick to get you there, as it did for me (twice). For example, you probably know someone who moved to a new city with their partner, and although the relationship ended they didn’t return to their home city because they’d found they belonged in the new location. It wasn’t the life they imagined – it was better. And if you’re familiar with the lyrical genius of Aussie singer/songwriter Pete Murray, you probably know that he was a promising rugby player until an injury shattered his dreams of sporting dominance. That was when he picked up a guitar and taught himself to play. You can’t hear his stylings and not believe that he was always destined for a path in music.

Also, because I believe no blog post is complete without a pop culture reference, here’s an example from Sex and the City. Remember when Charlotte was so desperate to be married she rushed up the aisle with Trey, even though they had no sexual chemistry (an absolute deal-breaker, IMHO)? Inevitably, the marriage ended but that process put her in the path of divorce lawyer Harry – who she would have overlooked in the past – and she found they had a deep and enduring connection.

But even though it seems to be true that we all end up in the right place eventually, I’m not entirely comfortable with the notion of the universe intervening to get us there. (I’m also not sure how this accounts for those people who die prematurely or alone – but that question is far too big for this particular post.) This seems somewhat disempowering – essentially, it means we don’t have as much ability to write the script for our own life as we had been led to believe. From what I can make out, although we have a massive amount of self-determination in terms of our life path – more than we realise, because we don’t fully appreciate how to harness this power – there is a large part of our course that’s pre-determined, and we have been armed with the skill set, talent base and personality traits (or at least the ability to develop them) to support that. Maybe the reason the universe might intervene is that sometimes we get so far down the wrong track we can’t find our way back on our own. And maybe we have to have been deeply down the wrong track to realise how right the other track really is.

Maybe that has happened to you? If so, I’d love to hear about it.