If you’re struggling with exhaustion that isn’t due to an obvious cause – such as sleep deprivation, say, or an unusually punishing workload – the first place to turn for help is your doctor. But if all physical health factors, such as nutrient deficiencies and underlying conditions, have been ruled out, yet your state of fatigue has gone on longer than Britney Spears’ guardianship, it might be worth considering whether emotional factors are at play. This isn’t to say emotional factors are the cause of exhaustion per se, but they may be contributing to, or exacerbating, it. Addressing these six emotional energy-zappers may help create a better climate for your body to regenerate its reserves of physical energy.
1. Not enough passion in your life
You’d be surprised how often this one comes up. So many people – especially women and mothers – dedicate every waking minute to caring for other people, leaving no time for the things that make them come alive. Their lives end up feeling devoid of any joy, which is absolutely exhausting. Dedicating time to things you’re passionate about – even if it’s only the smallest of windows in your weekly schedule – is like a shot of caffeine for your soul. You will feel invigorated and refreshed. Don’t let your ego convince you this is selfish or a waste of time – it’s necessary for your growth and your wellbeing.
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2. Fear of downtime
Who in their right mind would be afraid of chilled-out weekends and holidays, I hear you ask? Well, hear me out. If you had to ‘earn’ attention and praise as a child, it’s likely that you’ve taken on board the belief that you have to earn love and validation in adulthood, too. This may mean you’re prone to workaholism as you chase approval and recognition to make you feel like you matter. Essentially, you’ve tied your value to your productivity, which means choosing to do nothing will feel like a personal flaw or a missed opportunity to achieve and succeed. Holidays are likely spent rushing around seeing every damn landmark and eating at every freakin’ restaurant. The idea of lying around the pool reading a book? Uncomfortable AF. But no rest, ever = total exhaustion. Probably the only way your body can get you to give it the rest it needs is to get really ill with a string of infections or migraines that seem to mysteriously occur when you’re at your most stressed. Don’t let a health problem be the only time you rest. If you need help dismantling some of those beliefs around productivity being attached to your worthiness, talk to a therapist, spiritual coach or energy healer.
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3. Addiction to drama
Getting involved in other people’s dramas is super tiring. If you’re prone to codependent relationships or have a rescuer complex, you may get enmeshed in whatever crisis your friends, workmates or partner are going through. This could be happening because you grew up in a volatile household which taught you that drama is normal – to the point where you unconsciously seek it out in order to feel comfortable (even though it actually makes you feel agitated and tense). Or it could be because you’re actively distracting yourself from the work you need to do on yourself. Whatever the cause of this drama chasing, setting better boundaries around your time and energy is crucial. Speaking of which…
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4. Toxic relationships and energy
Few things are as exhausting as people who are needy, narcissistic or exploitative. I feel exhausted just thinking about it. If you are voluntarily spending time with people like this, you need to make some tough but necessary decisions to cut back your contact or set boundaries. Indulging toxic people is not an act of kindness – and it’s not an act of cruelty to restrict contact with them either. Our time is, ultimately, one of our most valuable currencies since it’s something we can’t get back. Spend it wisely, for the sake of your own wellbeing and physical energy levels.
5. Lack of emotional safety
(Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash)
If you’re constantly on guard against things going wrong, that is going to cause major mental exhaustion. My mother calls this ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’. It’s the deep-seated fear that catastrophe is always around the corner, and the only way to keep yourself safe is to stand guard over every detail of your life 24/7. You end up missing out on fully experiencing joyful moments when they happen, because you’re too busy worrying about what could go wrong. You also end up spending an obscene amount of time looking for potential risks and threats, and running around trying to mitigate them. Perhaps you drive yourself to be the perfect parent, spending huge amounts of time planning your days to present to others the best possible version of yourself and shaming yourself for any mistakes, constantly striving for the goal of perfectionism that you can never achieve and ending up exhausted in the process. (Even reading that sentence is exhausting.) The idea of letting go and being comfortable to trust that things will work out can feel way too risky for someone who doesn’t feel emotionally safe – so I highly recommend working with a therapist or energy healer to get to the bottom of this.
6. Lack of shielding (for empaths)
I talk about this often so I won’t bang on about it here. All you really need to know is that if you’re an empath – someone who is highly sensitive to other people’s emotions and energy – you simply must protect your energy every single day by shielding yourself. This means you can be around people who are emitting toxic or negative energy, and even feel that energy, but not take it on board yourself. Being an empath without protection means coming home each day feeling completely and utterly drained. Take care of your energy – instructions on shielding are here.