We're facing more choices than ever in history... yet most of us can't make decisions
Remember The
Sunscreen Song, which came out with the Romeo and Juliet movie
in the late 1990s? When it comes to snappy truth bombs, this song is an
absolute goldmine (it’s basically Pinterest in music). These lines are among
the most memorable, for me: “Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate
yourself either. Your choices are half chance – so are everybody else’s.”
Personally, I don’t believe in ‘chance’. But I love
this lyric because it reminds me not to put too much pressure on myself when it
comes to making choices – because I don’t have absolute power to determine the
outcome. Since that song came out and I’ve gained a greater understanding that
anything I create in my life is a partnership between myself and the Universe,
I now realise that I can’t possibly make a bad choice. #relief
One of the main factors that drives people to book
an angel card reading with me is they’re facing a tough decision. Their
circumstances can be vastly different – a job opportunity that requires them to
move cities, a relationship that is no longer satisfying, perhaps – but the
common thread is fear of failure. They know deep down what is right for them,
but they’re scared to commit to that course of action in case they’re ‘wrong’.
I read a UK magazine article recently which
suggested that people in the west are facing more decisions
than ever before in history, and as a result, our anxiety over
making any selection has increased. Previous generations – particularly women –
did not have as many options available to them as far as jobs, relationships
and lifestyle. We can now have anything and do anything we want – yay! That’s
undoubtedly a good thing, and I’m not for a minute advocating our choices
should be curbed, but if you’ve ever found yourself stressed out over a
four-page pizza menu, unable to make a selection, you’ll know that too many
choices can be overwhelming.
“From research we know that people with no choice
are significantly more resilient because they can blame life or other people
when they make a wrong decision,” psychologist Pieter Kruger says in the
article. “But if you make a wrong decision having had a range of choice, you
have no one to blame but yourself. We become much more obsessive because we
want to make the right decision every time.”
US psychologist Barry Schwarz, author of The
Paradox Of Choice, agrees. In an article with The Guardian he
described how there are so many varieties of jeans available now – stone-washed,
straight-leg, boot-fit, distressed, zip fly, button fly, slightly distressed,
very distressed, knee-holed, thigh-holed, knee and thigh-holed – that his
expectations of finding the perfect pair for him are high… and inevitably, he
winds up disappointed.
Adding to our decision-making anxiety is social
media, which has somehow become our yardstick of success. We’re being
constantly slammed with pictures of people appearing to nail their life choices
– cosy relationships, chic wardrobe picks, glamorous travel itineraries and
high-achieving kids. Even though we may be vaguely aware that what we’re
looking at is contrived and edited, rather than an accurate summary of other
people’s lives, we can still wind up feeling like everyone else is doing life
*right*. The allure of achieving something equally fabulous can be strong.
If you feel crippled by decision making, it might
be worth asking yourself if you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to
achieve a dream result. The resulting state of stress means you’ll struggle to
hear guidance from your intuition (which is your best asset when it comes to
making decisions).
From a spiritual perspective, it is not possible to
make a bad decision, because every course of action you
take will teach you something valuable you need to know for your soul’s
journey. Even if the situation doesn’t work out the way you’d hoped, you will
always be better for it. Plus, the Universe has a way of course-correcting you
if you go way off track.
When I finished my journalism degree, I struggled
to find employment. After three months I applied for, and got, a role on a
business newspaper – which, for someone with zero interest in financial
journalism, was not an appealing option. A year later, that publishing company
went into receivership, owing me more than $2200 in unpaid wages and holiday
pay*. This was not, obviously, an optimum result for me. But that does not mean
it was a bad decision. I got the valuable experience I needed, which, as a new
graduate in a flooded job-seeker market, I was struggling to get. I learned
professional skills that set me up for my career path. Plus, I made a friend I
instantly bonded with – and 15 years later, we remain close. I lost money, and
I ended up unemployed again for several months… but if given the chance to go
back, I would make the same decision again.
The truth is, the Universe will always make
sure you end up in the right place, and among the right people, for your
highest good. You may not have Oprah Winfrey’s wealth, Lena Dunham’s body
of work or Salma Hayek’s boobs, and probably you never will, but you do have a
pure heart, a resilient spirit, treasured memories, wonderful people in your
life and the knowledge that the best is yet to come.
This I know to be true: you are exactly
where you are supposed to be. I imagine that some people will find that
depressing – probably because they believe that they have total control over
their lives, or they had expectations of something more glamorous – but I
personally find it enormously comforting. It means I’m being looked after by
the Universe, and it also means that while I have the power to create anything
I want, my choices won’t have the monumentally dire consequences I might have
imagined.
The only bad decision we can possibly make is to let
fear paralyse us to the extent that we make no decision at all.
Instead of procrastination, let’s choose courage
and action.
*I got back about $345 of this around a year later, after
the liquidators had settled the company’s affairs. Sad face.
Ready, set, procrastinate!
I’m not telling you about
my nectarine sitch to explain how desperately my vegie drawer needs a solid
clean – and I want to assure you that the rest of my house is very tidy and
hygienic – but because it illustrates in a really disgusting way just how
procrastination has taken hold of my life lately.
Here is a list of things I
need to do that I have been putting off for a month or so, some trivial, others
fairly pressing:
·
· Locking
in dates for my trip to New York this winter. (Note to self: it is officially
Autumn now. Autumn is followed by winter. That means winter is happening very
soon. Pull your finger out!)
·
· Getting
a new gym program. I am so booored by my workouts that I’m putting very little
effort in (counter-productive, no?). Some days I don’t even sweat. If I’m going
to drag my ass out of bed at 5.30am you’d think I’d be committed to making the
most of this time. But somehow the effort of booking a personal trainer to
create a new program for me keeps falling into the ‘I’ll do it next week’
category.
·
· Following
through on all the angel card readings I have promised people. It’s not that I
don’t want to do the readings, I just never quite get around
to locking them in.
·
· Sorting
out my accounting records. Yuck.
·
· Getting
some new meditation podcasts. I feel like I’m not going deep enough with my
meditations at the moment, and not getting the clarity I used to. This
something I really I need to address, or else I’m going to find my ability to
manage stress and the general challenges of everyday life will be seriously
hampered, and I’ll start getting stuck.
·
· Finishing
the two new short stories I’ve started and polishing two older ones to be
entered in competitions (one of my goals this year).
·
· Enrolling
in more volunteering projects (another key 2015 goal).
When I look at this list,
there’s a common denominator. It’s so obvious that Fear is at play behind my
decision to delay/avoid all of these tasks. I don’t want to tackle my
accounting records because they never add up properly at first and it takes
hours longer than it should and it’s frustrating and I’m scared I will realise
I’m too stupid to manage being self-employed. I don’t want to plan my New York
trip because I’m scared I will find that I can’t afford it, and have to ditch
the whole idea. I don’t want to find new meditation podcasts because I’m scared
they might be too hard, and will prove that, actually, I really suck at
meditation and will never improve. I don’t want to do more angel card readings
for my friends because I’m scared the messages I give people might not be
meaningful to them or will reveal stuff they don’t want to hear and they’ll
hold that against me and tell other people I’m crap and WHAT IF THAT’S TRUE?!
Wow.
In short, I’m scared I’m
not good enough. I’m scared I will fail. So basically I’m scared of the same
stuff you, and every other person on this planet, is scared of – and that’s why
I’m procrastinating.
But here’s the thing about
Fear: it only holds its power over you for as long as there is an absence of
proof that the things you are scared of could happen. And the only way to know
if that proof exists is to do what you’re scared of. Yuck. The good news:
through that process one of two things will happen: you will find that the
thing you were scared of was never really there, or you will find that you can
handle it. That’s a win-win situation.
I know all of this, and yet I continue to
procrastinate. I’m putting a stop to that right now. You all are my witnesses.
I’ve set myself a challenge to tick as many of these things off my list as I
can by April 16 (four weeks away).
I’ll start with that nectarine.
UPDATE: Since writing this post, my housemate has thrown out the rotten fruit and cleaned out the vegie drawer. Subsequent laboratory testing has revealed it was a peach, not a nectarine. All is well.
UPDATE: Since writing this post, my housemate has thrown out the rotten fruit and cleaned out the vegie drawer. Subsequent laboratory testing has revealed it was a peach, not a nectarine. All is well.