If I asked you to name your most meaningful
experiences from the past 12 months, you would, I suspect, start filing through
your brain for extraordinary events. You would tell me about the weddings you
attended, the holidays you took, the babies you met for the first time and the
promotions or professional awards you scored. You would not, I suspect, mention
the hug you gave a workmate that she really needed but could not find the words
to ask for, the time you got the bus driver wait for someone who was running
behind, the money you donated to a charity or the delighted smile you received
from your grandma when you popped over for a cup of tea.
We tend to think that the milestones and the firsts
are the most meaningful moments in our lives, so we cherish those memories (and
for good reason). We tend to disregard the brief moments of connection that
don’t change our lives irrevocably, but carry layers of meaning we don’t
perceive right away. I believe – and I’ve said this many times – that the little
things are really the big things.
There used to be a forwarded email doing the rounds
(remember the days when we used to forward emails instead of retweeting or
sharing on Facebook?!) by an anonymous woman who described how her boyfriend
always waved to strangers when he’s driving, even if they look at him like he’s
a weirdo. When she asked him why he did this, he told her that he’d read
stories by people who had attempted suicide; some had said that if they’d been
acknowledged by someone else they wouldn’t have wanted to end their lives. For
that reason, he was committed to extending warmth to everyone he saw, to make
sure no one felt invisible or insignificant. This is a very small act of
kindness, but a very powerful one.
Of course we should celebrate the big stuff, but I wish
we could do a better job at recognising the successes that really reflect our
job in this lifetime – the times we give love to others, and received it with
gratitude. One of the best things that happened to me last week was an
out-of-the-blue phone call from a friend in the US who knew I’d been going
through a rough time, so wanted to check how I was going. I doubt that was a
big deal for her, but to me it meant the world.
Brené Brown writes: “Joy comes to us in ordinary
moments. We risk missing out when we get too busy chasing down the
extraordinary.” Sometimes in those ordinary moments, we’re a conduit to other
people’s joy – and we may not even realise it. To me, that is the very
definition of extraordinary.
I hope you create and experience lots of little wins
this week.
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