Have you ever gone to a restaurant and been served a meal that isn’t at all what you ordered? A similar thing sometimes happens with the Universe when it comes to our goals and wishes – only, there’s no wait staff to help you sort it out. You might, for example, have asked the Universe to help you meet your soulmate, but instead you keep meeting people who are blowing hot and cold. Or you put in a request for greater abundance, but your bank balance stays depressingly the same. In situations like this, it’s tempting to become furious with the Universe (been there!) – or worse, to quit spirituality entirely out of the belief it must be BS (yep, been there too!). But before you go down that road, it’s worth considering whether maybe the problem was you. Yep, there are a few ways we accidentally block ourselves from manifesting our goals. You might not have put in a clear order, for example, or you maybe didn’t play your part in bringing the goal to fruition. And sometimes, you’re asking for something that simply isn’t right for you… but we’ll get to that.
Let’s take a deep dive into my top five reasons your reality might not be matching your intentions.
1. You didn’t play your part.
If there’s something you really want to create in your life – or manifest, if you want to use the cool kids’ terminology – the first step is to ask for it. Unfortunately, some of the messaging around the law of attraction has made it seem like this is ALL you have to do (I’m looking at you, The Secret!), but what I’ve learned about the way energy works is that everything you create is in partnership with the Universe. And that means you have to play your part, instead of just leaving it up to the divine. Once you’ve set your goal, start taking action steps towards it, which gives the Universe something to anchor energy onto. Simples.
2. Your intentions were muddy.
Let’s revisit that restaurant scenario again (because I do love to flog a metaphor). If you’re dining out and you’re really vague about what you want, you’ll either get served nothing or you’ll get anything but what you wanted. You can’t hit a target you haven’t set. It sounds obvious, but it’s surprising how many people don’t get this: you must have clarity about what you want. That doesn’t mean you need to have all the details mapped out (in fact, it’s better if you don’t), but you do need to have a clear idea of where you want to end up. For example: “I want to live somewhere nice” doesn’t really give the Universe a lot to work with, but “I want to buy a house at the top of a hill with a massive verandah surrounded by trees in Far North Queensland” is much more direct.
It’s important to spend time in self-reflection really honing in on what you want to co-create with the Universe. Some people use a vision board for this process. Personally, I’m not a very visual person, so that idea doesn’t resonate for me. What I do is journal about the feelings that having that goal will give me – which really helps me call in my vision on an energetic level.
3. The solution didn’t match your expectations.
You asked for more money, and expected that to show up in the form of a pay rise. That didn’t happen, and now you’re annoyed AF. Your sister offered you a loan, but hell no, you ain’t taking her money!
Not so fast, buddy. Here’s the deal: if you’re declining something you wanted because it didn’t take the form you wanted, that’s a mistake. When you set a goal, you need to be open to how it shows up – and remember that the Universe often works through other people. When it comes to goals, you are in charge of the ‘what’ and the ‘why’, but the Universe is in charge of the ‘when’, ‘where’ and the ‘how’. Don’t get in your own way.
4. You’re too attached to the goal.
I know, I know, it sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s true – if you are too attached to something, you actually block the Universe from delivering it.
Let me give you an example. Some years ago I was so desperately unhappy about being single that I became completely and utterly fixated on my relationship status, terrified I would never meet my soulmate. Instead of using that as impetus to get myself emotionally ready for a relationship, and work through the barriers I was actually putting up against it – which would have been a much more productive use of my time than worrying – I became obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship, to the point where I couldn’t conceive of any life that didn’t involve that outcome. Around this point I went to a seminar by Sydney meditation teacher Tom Cronin, who talked about the art of non-attachment. He’d put an intention of making a documentary out to the Universe, then let that intention go. He did not return to that goal each day and reaffirm how much he wanted it. He kept plugging away at making it happen in a practical way, but did not make that goal his be-all and end-all. He wanted it, but he wasn’t sending out the ‘I NEED this’ vibes.
When I heard this story I was confused – how could anyone let go of something they wanted so badly?! It was much later that I finally understood: if your desire is so intense that you’re becoming obsessive about it, you’re interfering with the Universe’s flow. It was only when I stopped fixating on a relationship and started focusing on enjoying my life, building up my business and improving my relationship with myself (including healing my energetic blocks around connection), the soulmate relationship came through. Essentially, I was taking action steps towards my goal without being over-attached to it. In fact, by the time I’d met my now-partner, I didn’t really care too much whether a long-term relationship between us developed or not. Of course, I wanted to spend more time with him, but I trusted that the Universe would take care of the bigger-picture ‘how this will play out’ stuff. It was a very different headspace from the days when I would go on one date then lose interest because I couldn’t see myself marrying that person in the future!
In short: it’s not about not wanting something, it’s about not having an ‘I must have this or I will fall apart’ energy around it.
5. You want something that isn’t right for you.
Oh boy, this is a big one. When you ask for something, the Universe has three possible answers:
· Not yet
· I have something better in mind.
Trouble is, if what you asked for is taking its sweet-ass time appearing, it’s hard to know whether you fit into the middle or the last category. I wish I had an easy formula to help people decipher whether they need to wait it out or whether they’re barking up the wrong damn tree. Unfortunately, I don’t (sorry).
There are a couple of things you could try. You could ask the Universe for a sign that you should continue with what you’re doing (more information on signs here). I would also recommend you do some self-reflection on whether you’re getting in your own way (see points three or four) – in particular, it’s important to make sure you’re not trying to control the process or force things to happen on your schedule. You could also seek out the help of an energy healer like myself* to make sure you’re not blocking the goal through your own fears or limiting beliefs, particularly if you’re holding a lot of past pain in that area.
If it is time to walk away from a goal, your intuition will tell you. Usually, we know on some level when we’re reaching for something that truly doesn’t serve us – but it can take a bit of time to fully accept that . For more information on identifying the voice of your intuition, read this post.
*If you’d like to work with me to manifest your goals and clear any energetic blocks (including deep-seated fears and limiting beliefs) that might be getting in your way, contact me about energy healing sessions here.