Blame it on the weather

In this part of the world, we talk about the weather A LOT. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, you’ll regularly hear comments like: “Oh no – it’s going to rain this weekend”, “I hope it’s nice tomorrow” and “What a miserable day”. For so many people, it seems like they need a day of blazing sunshine before they can feel content.

I understand the interest in Mother Nature’s moods – after all, I never make a wardrobe choice without checking the forecast, so I can choose pants over floaty dresses in gale conditions and avoid a Marilyn moment – but I don’t understand the amount of power we give to external conditions. I find it odd that something which we have zero control over not only features heavily in social interactions but is the determinant of whether it is a “good day” or a “bad day”.

Here are the factors that typically amount to a good day for me:

·         Waking up alive

·         Feeling loved

·         Feeling a sense of purpose

·         Laughing at least a couple of times (ideally more)

Neither the absence of rain nor a high temperature are prerequisites for my day-to-day happiness.

Why do we care so much about the weather? As far as what Mother Nature throws at us, we have sunhats and sunglasses and umbrellas and coats. As far as what life throws at us, we have the power to determine our own forecast.

The sunshine is within us – it’s our job to bring the warmth and the light to each day.

The year that was. Or wasn’t. (And why that made me feel shitty.)

As the year 2014 drew to a close, I noticed an annoying trend emerging on social media. People were avidly posting glossy pictures in symmetrical grids to summarise their ‘amazing’ (side note: is this the most overused adjective ever?!) year. Now, I want to say first up that I don’t begrudge anyone happiness – I believe everyone is entitled to win at life – and of course most of these people are very dear to me, so my heart soars when theirs do. I don’t even mind that they’re posting highly edited, carefully selected versions of their 2014 experiences and ignoring the low-lights. After all, no one really needs to see a picture of your baby screaming its head off or the rejection letter for that job you didn’t get.

My problem with these ‘look at my amazing life’ posts is that they made me feel crap. Like, crying-into-my-pillow crap. Is that the fault of the person who had that wonderful trip to Spain/dream promotion/romantic engagement? No, of course it isn’t. Like I said, I genuinely want my friends – and everyone, for that matter – to live a life rich with joyous moments. Happiness isn’t in short supply – we can all have a slice of it. It’s my response that was the problem.

Comparison. It’s the bane of my existence. As the saying goes, there will always be someone smarter/richer/prettier than you, so comparison is futile. Life is not a competition. I know all of this, and I do truly believe it. And yet...

What my response showed me was that I have some work to do in deeply accepting myself. There’s a part of me that feels that I’ve failed because I haven’t had some of these experiences that other people in my age group have had. Even though I know that that doesn’t matter, that this is how my life is supposed to be, and that’s more than OK. And even though I know I’m not lacking anything whatsoever. In spite of all of this knowledge, I still feel the misery of disappointment and inferiority.

Eckhart Tolle (wise man, that Eckie) says that ‘life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.’ I’m still not 100 per cent sure what my life purpose is, but I know that this lesson – of accepting myself, of being content with my life, of letting go my need to compete with peers – is at the heart of my journey towards evolution. I’ll let you know how that works out for me.

In the meantime, any advice you have on self-acceptance, overcoming envy and feelings of failure would be gratefully accepted. Thank you.

The fight that never happened

Today I’m going to see someone who pushes my buttons in the worst way. Mostly we get along great, but this person has a habit of sometimes saying things that make me ANGRY. I am looking forward to seeing him, but obviously the wariness was simmering away in my subconscious because almost as soon I woke up this morning I started imagining what he might say to me and how I might respond (calmly, succinctly and persuasively, of course). When I sat down to do my meditation this imagined conflict started to permeate my practice (somewhat counterproductive, no?). I realised it was time to remind my brain who’s in charge of this body (i.e. my heart).

According to the law of attraction, even arguments we have in our heads are going to have an impact on what we manifest into our lives. So basically, it’s not just spoken words that matter. Not only am I creating negativity for myself by ruminating on how this person might piss me off, I am damaging my relationship with him as well by bringing discomfort and an unhappy energy into our real-life interactions. Not ideal.

To counter this, I said a few affirmations around accepting people as they are, and asked the angels to help heal our relationship. After that, I resolved to simply let it go. Whatever happens, happens. But at least I’ll go into our catch-up with an open heart and a tranquil mind. And that’s worth A LOT.

I'm not scared! (Actually I am. And that's OK.)

Today I read a Facebook post that was so on point that I felt inspired to write a post of my own on that very topic. Then I thought, why redo something that someone else has already done so well? (Advice that Madonna would have been wise to take when considering doing a cover of American Pie; amirite?) 

The post in question is about fear, and how trying to overcome it completely is a waste of time and energy. Fear is, and should be, a constant companion in your life, Liz Gilbert writes in this excellent column, and trying to rid yourself of it is futile. The object is to acknowledge it but to not let it stop you from doing what you want. 

Here's Liz's brilliant piece on this topic, which I encourage you all to read. She says it much better than I could. 

Just press play

This week I spent $AUD83 ($US64) on two giant inflatable pigs. This is not a sentence I expected to be writing, to be honest. I can’t quite explain what came over me. I saw the pigs, I imagined how much fun it would be to play with them, and I hit ‘buy’. And I regret nothing.

I believe my inner child might be responsible for this uncharacteristic act of silliness, for I am not what you’d describe as a spontaneous, irresponsible shopper. But lately, following instructions from the angels, I’ve been listening to my inner child and it’s made me take life a lot less seriously – which is pretty welcome.

The idea of the inner child is difficult for a thirtysomething to comprehend. Play is for little kids, right? But the more I read about inner child work, the more intrigued I am.

It’s said that we have three parts to our identities. For women: the maiden (inner child), mother (nurturer) and matriarch (the teacher). For men: the lad, the dad and the patriarch. Most of us abandon our inner child as we grow up, thinking it has no place in the adult world. Yet making time to be silly and light-hearted is very important for a balanced sense of wellbeing. This doesn’t mean starting a food fight at the family lunch or telling fart jokes (though I’m all for a bit of immature humour) but it does mean making room to be carefree. It changes your perspective, and that’s when your creativity really starts to flow. 

Some ways I’ve been nurturing my inner child include:

*  Colouring in. You guys, this is so, so fun. I bought a book called Colouring In For Grown-ups and I highly recommend it. This activity is incredibly therapeutic. I’m not the only one getting down with colouring in – in France, colouring books for adults are now outselling cookbooks. Seriously!

*  Swinging. No, not that kind of swinging – get your mind out of the gutter! I mean playing on swings at the local playground. Just be careful of any little kids, who tend to wander out in front of you (which may end badly).

 * Dancing. Try not to laugh, but I’ve started a ritual of coming home from work and blasting Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off and dancing like no one is watching (and no one is). You can actually feel your problems fall off the end of your fingertips. My spirits are so high that I often end up playing a few more songs before I have to stop and catch my breath. This is how I remember what it means to feel alive.

* Watching Disney movies. These are always so beautifully done, and often include some simple but powerful messages about life. Preach, Disney!